Reflections on 2020

Today my mind is filled with the strangest concoction of thoughts. It’s hard to believe that this is the last day of one of the craziest years I’ve lived through during my short lifetime. Part of me can hardly wait for 2021—a brand new year to fill with memories and adventures. Yet at the same time I wish it could linger just a bit longer since I’m not ready to let go of the already fleeting holiday spirit, and more importantly—not ready to go back to school!

More than anything though, I’ve spent time seriously reflecting on this past year, and life in general. While there were many good memories, (the hundreds of candid photos on my phone can attest), I can’t ignore the fact that there were many challenges throughout this year brought on by a disease that I’d never imagined would occur.

This year was marked by stress, anxiety, and loneliness. While, I was fortunate in many ways, I still had my share of bad days. Probably the most trying experience was acclimating to virtual school.

High school is already is challenging, but became even more so when everything shifted solely online. At first, it wasn't so bad. When it was first announced that school would take place online, I jumped at the chance to wake up later than usual, attend school in my pajamas (don’t tell the teachers I said that), and to a degree, get my work done on my own time. It wasn’t long, though, before I wished things were different.

Nearly each day, from the time I woke up until the late evening I slouched in front of my computer. In the morning and early afternoon I stared at the screen in front of me where my teachers and classmates were confined to small boxes on a screen. Then when classes were over, I’d continue to stare at the screen and do my homework. Sooner or later, I would find it too overwhelming to work, and so I got sidetracked watching something on YouTube or sifting through the news. It wasn’t long before the day was nearly over, and I still had homework to do, which sometimes took hours to finish. I soon found myself stressed and on edge most of the time.

As for my social life, I thought that I wouldn’t mind being alone, since I’m an introvert. I turned out be wrong about that too. I was lonely. After moving over 600 miles from the place I had called home for several years, I had only spent half of the year at my new school before we transitioned into online school. Cultivating any sort of relationship is already a challenge, but I didn’t realize how hard that would be when I couldn’t see my friends in person.

Along with feeling lonely and stressed, I felt fearful. I’ve always been afraid of the thought of death, but I was reminded of the stark reality nearly every time I read the news. It wasn’t long before I began to worry. What if I get coronavirus? What about my parents? What then would happen to my brother and me? I am thankful that none of my worst fears came true, but I know that there are many others who weren’t so fortunate to make it to live today, whether due to the virus or to other circumstances. A season when people would normally rejoice and celebrate being with family has been marked by vigils and funerals.

No --- this year hasn’t been an easy one, physically, psychologically, or spiritually. However, it begs the question, what can we learn from it, despite how crazy it was? I know I’ve learned a few things from this rollercoaster ride of a year.

One major lesson I’ve learned is the importance of the people in our lives. Like many others, I’ve found that my family and friends have become more significant in my life, as well as the people I don’t know who work in a variety of capacities to make our lives better. I feel more appreciation for those I have taken for granted, and maybe even looked down upon. On the other hand, I have also realized the responsibility I have to those around me. My choices don’t just affect me—they have an impact on countless others, for good or for bad.

I’ve also realized how important God is to my everyday life. This year has shown us that nothing is certain except for the fact that life is unpredictable. One moment we can be laughing, the next we can be crying. Our jobs, homes, and possessions can be gone in instant. Those who mean the world to us may get sick and die. It’s just a fact of living on this planet. So, what can we hold on to? Who can we cling to when our loved ones die? I believe the one and only solution is God. He has always been here. While this time has been a challenge to my faith, I still believe that He is the only hope we have. The sooner we figure that out, the better we are.

That’s because tomorrow is not promised, which we’ve all been reminded of this year. Any moment could be our last. As a teenager, I’ve often thought of what I would be doing many years down the road from now because I’d like to live a long time. Sometimes I’ve felt I could put certain things on hold, including developing a closer walk with Jesus. But will I have the chance to wait a long time before doing that? I might not. That means that each and every day I have, I should make it a point to spend time getting to know Him.

So as this year draws to a close in just a few short hours, how will you go forward? What and who will you make a priority in 2021? I hope building a relationship with Jesus will be at the top of your list, whether it’s continuing what you already have going on or starting over again. Things are definitely looking up for this coming year but let’s not forget the valuable lessons we’ve all learned during this trying season.

So long, 2020!